R.I.L.Y Forever Read online

  EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®

  www.evernightpublishing.com

  Copyright© 2016 Norah Bennett

  ISBN: 978-1-77233-924-6

  Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

  Editor: Katelyn Uplinger

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  DEDICATION

  To Laura, Samantha, Mina, and my sweet husband, Samy, who encouraged me every step of the way. You never even blinked when I said I was going to write fiction. You rolled up your sleeves, helped me create a new identity as a romance writer, and answered my social media pleas for help at all hours of the day and night. I thank God for you.

  To Carl Carruba, the first person I trusted to read what I wrote. Although this isn’t the story of Max and Nina, your support and thoughtful critique of my work encouraged me to keep writing. You never doubted I would get published and because you believed, I did too. Don’t worry, Max and Nina will make their debut shortly.

  To Jules Dixon who innocently answered my plea for a critique partner two and a half years ago and got saddled with a needy, newbie for life. Few give of their time, experience and energy as you do. Thanks for talking me off ledge, giving me a reality check, and frankly telling me to stop whining and write. I needed everyone of those written and verbal counselling sessions. Your unwavering belief in me propelled me forward. I cannot thank-you enough for all your mentorship.

  R.I.L.Y. Forever

  Norah Bennett

  Copyright © 2016

  Chapter One

  Julia stood outside Lexi’s front door trying not to vomit on the wriggling child in her arms or the cream colored pumps torturing her feet. Her stomach churned and although a cool breeze carrying the scent of freshly cut grass and spring blooms brushed against her cheeks and ran its fingers through hcher long, blonde hair, sweat trickled down her back and between her breasts. After twenty-two years of monopolizing her dreams, Ethan Sullivan had somehow stepped through the veil separating fantasy and reality and found her. Logically speaking, Ethan was a common name with hundreds, possibly thousands of men named Ethan, any of which could be in Lexi’s house. But Julia knew with all certainty, her Ethan, the man who stole her heart when she was sixteen and whose heart she shredded in return, found his way back to her. He was the only man in all of her forty years to love her, really love her. She never knew a love like that, not before him and not since losing him. She had no choice but to let him go all those years ago, but he didn’t know that.

  Should I knock or run?

  Julia was paralyzed and petrified, unable to make a decision. Five minutes into this exercise, Lilly reached her two-year-old limit. She squirmed in Julia’s arms and reached for the doorbell, her new favorite toy in any house.

  “Down, down, down!”

  “Okay, Lilly, just a minute.”

  “No, Mama. Stop. Down.”

  Lilly was a persistent ball of energy who recently mastered the word “no” and peppered her vocabulary with it. Despite her angelic features—chubby cheeks, blonde ringlets, and big green eyes—Lilly could go from angelic to possessed in seconds. Over the last three months, when she didn’t get her way, she shrieked and held her breath until her lips turned blue, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she lost consciousness. Each time Lilly acted out in this fashion, she sucked the will to live right out of Julia.

  Julia had two choices: harness her nerves and deal, or continue wrestling with a restless toddler whose piercing screams would bring the entire house, if not the entire neighborhood, out to see what massacre was taking place on Lexi’s front lawn. Either way, the night was sure to be life altering.

  “Okay, Lils. Go ahead and ring the doorbell. Mama’s going to stop being a chicken-shit now. Oh darn it, that’s going to cost me another dollar in the potty mouth jar.”

  Lilly giggled and jabbed her tiny finger over the doorbell repeatedly. The incessant ringing brought Lexi to the door and Julia’s pulse ratcheted. She was sure the galloping of her heart could be heard by anyone within a five-mile radius.

  “Well, well, look who finally decided to show. Come on in, we’re starved. Hello sweetness. How’s the world’s most beautiful baby today?”

  Julia put Lilly down, straightening the child’s fuchsia party dress. Lilly squealed in delight and pulled at Lexi’s skirt, insisting to be picked up. She got her wish while Julia lingered behind.

  Julia was used to being ignored when Lilly was in the room and today Lilly was a fantastic diversion, giving her a few extra moments to pull herself together. Julia flapped her slick palms in front of her, trying to dry them then tugged at the skirt of her simple silk, coral shift dress. Lord, she was a wrinkled mess. She tucked her hair behind her ear, took a deep, steadying breath, and followed them in. Dropping Lilly’s bag and her purse in the entryway, she followed the sound of laughter and conversation and the delicious smell of Lexi’s famous lasagna wafting from the kitchen.

  Julia stood out of eyesight and listened as Lilly and Lexi made their grand entrance and everyone oohed and ahhed over her baby girl. Like a coward, she hid in the hallway and identified the owner of each voice: Lexi, Todd, Aimee, Adam, Christine, and … Ethan. Two decades had flown by, but she could recognize his husky voice and sexy laugh anywhere. She sagged into the nearest wall as an electric current, raced through every nerve and into each muscle group of her limbs, rendering them useless. This was the moment she dreamed of and the moment she feared. Although her limbs were paralyzed, her brain was a runaway train speeding through images of the past so fast, everything was a blur until it came to the last day she laid eyes on Ethan. There the train came to a screeching halt, then proceeded in slow motion.

  Julia closed her eyes and gripped the silver, heart-shaped locket hanging around her neck and hovered between her breasts. Although decades had elapsed, she clearly saw the two young people standing by the creek, behind the high school, still dressed in their graduation attire—so innocent, so in love.

  “Here are your wings and my heart, baby. Go ahead and fly. I won’t hold you back. Remember I love you, forever,” young Ethan said, his voice breaking, his eyes filling with tears.

  “RILY, forever.” Those words were inscribed on the inside of the locket he’d given her, the one Julia wore every day since. The front was uniquely designed as two angel wings folded side by side with marcasite gemstones embedded throughout. The wings separated and opened from the center to reveal the hidden inscription. It was a beautiful, one-of-a-kind treasure that reminded her no matter what life bombarded her with, she was one of the lucky ones. She knew what it was to be loved. Ethan had loved her with a passion and ferocity few experienced. He’d loved her enough to let her go.

  Julia held no illusions of rekindling that all-consuming, life-altering young love they once shared. The time for that had long past and she no longer believed in or wanted to drown in that crippling emotion. Perhaps if Ethan was willing to let the past stay buried, they could start fresh and renew the precious friendship they once shared. Because before they were lovers, they were friends. Ethan promised they’d always have one another. That promise, however, was made when they were young and naïve, swayed by the power of their own emotions and convinced their love could conquer anything life threw at them.

  Julia wiped her sweaty palms down her dress, this time not caring about the streaks she
left on the silk. She pasted on a smile and entered the room on teetering legs. She scanned the room, searching for her baby and was relieved to find Christine and Lexi entertaining Lilly, while Todd, Lexi’s current boyfriend, stood close by looking bored. Perusing the rest of the room, her eyes landed on Adam, Lexi’s brother, uncorking a bottle of wine at the kitchen island while Aimee, her best friend, stood chatting with Ethan.

  Julia stopped walking, thinking, breathing! Her world narrowed to him—his tousled, thick, brown hair, his mesmerizing gray-blue eyes that changed with his every mood, and his long, thick lashes that were the envy of every girl in high school. Julia devoured Ethan with her eyes. She couldn’t help herself. She was starved. He was taller and more built than she recalled, but his handsome face with its square chin, slightly crooked nose from years of playing football, and full, sensuous lips, was the same image that visited her dreams nightly.

  Julia knew the instant he became aware of her. He stopped answering Aimee as his gaze shifted and centered on her. His pupils widened and his eyes darkened to a smoky gray. Aimee followed his gaze. Her brows furrowed and she took a step toward Julia. But Ethan grasped her elbow and shook his head.

  Julia’s eyes never left Ethan’s tall, muscular frame as he walked toward her. The room and all its inhabitants fell away until there was only him. The soft caress of his eyes touched every inch of her. She studied his face, but his expression was neutral. He stood silently examining her and it was left to Julia to break the silence. The problem was she had no idea what to say. No words were adequate to express how she felt. But as her eyes locked with his, she hoped they voiced what her lips couldn’t. She missed him. Missed him every second, minute, and hour they were apart. When he was hers, he was her best friend, her lover, her confidant. He was her everything. When she lost him, the ground beneath her feet shook so violently, it brought her to her knees and it took years to learn how to stand on her own, without him.

  Tears pooled in Julia’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself. Ethan’s assessing gaze tracked her every movement and then his eyes, followed by his mouth, softened.

  He remembered.

  He was the only person, other than Ella, who understood why she was compelled to hold herself together in this manner. What it meant. She hadn’t folded into herself like this in a long time, hadn’t allowed her past to bubble up to the present, and hadn’t allowed the hurt to bleed to the surface. The understanding and pity she read on Ethan’s face was more than she could bear. Old wounds that had scarred over stretched and pulled.

  A sharp, tearing pain started in Julia’s chest and as she rubbed her breastbone and gasped for air, her fight-or-flight reflex kicked in. She couldn’t do this, not here, not now. If she didn’t move now, those old scars would rip open and her already traumatized heart would be shredded. Tearing her gaze from his, she shook her head, turned and ran out of the room and out of the house.

  Julia slumped against her car, bent at the waist, and sobbed. She wept for all the lost years, all the time she could’ve spent with him and could’ve had him in her arms and in her life. She cried for the two young people who loved and lived for each other, but were ripped apart due to the intolerance of one manipulative man. Scenes from the past she’d buried unearthed themselves and assaulted her. She was lost to the first time she saw his face and he smiled shyly at her and lost to the first time he slid her a note in biology class asking her out. She remembered the first time he held her, kissed her, and the first time he made love to her and told her he loved her.

  Julia didn’t hear Ethan approach until his hands reached for her. He grasped her shoulders, straightened her, and pulled her into his arms. At first she resisted and tried to pull free, but he tightened his arms around her like he did a hundred times before. Ethan slid one hand in her hair and held the back of her head to him, cocooning her in his warm embrace. As she buried her face in the side of his neck, his other arm wrapped around her waist, molding her to his frame.

  She gave in. She melted into his familiar yet new embrace. He was no longer a teenager, but a grown man. His powerful arms held her firmly to him. This was how he’d always held her when she hurt. He would wrap his body around hers, protecting her from the world and all its inhabitants and whisper, “I’ve got you baby. It’s okay, let go. I’ve got you and I’m not letting go.” She missed this the most—someone to hold her, comfort her, and keep her safe—even if it was for a few minutes. She inhaled Ethan’s familiar, spicy scent, her body and mind remembering what it was to be soothed by him, and so she was.

  Her crying ceased and she pulled away, raw and exposed. She couldn’t believe she unraveled in front of him and a houseful of people. What the hell was she supposed to say to him or to them now? She rarely fell apart, in public or otherwise. Julia hated crying and she didn’t allow herself to do it often. Crying was a waste of time and energy and it showed weakness. It solved nothing, left a person vulnerable, and it was damn messy. She was grateful she always carried tissues in her pocket for Lilly because she was certain she looked like a hot mess with mascara streaming down her blotchy, reddened face. She pulled one out and dried her face and nose.

  “I—I’m sorry. I don’t…” She dropped her head again and closed her eyes. Clenching her fists until her nails bit into her palms, she struggled to lasso her runaway emotions. She took a deep breath and raised her head. The second their eyes met, poof, the words escaped and she didn’t have the energy to pursue them. Julia opened and closed her mouth having no idea where to start. What used to come easy was impossible now. She longed for the days when they talked about anything and everything for hours, the words sliding from their mouths like warm chocolate syrup over ice-cream, smooth, sleek, and satisfying.

  “Hello, Julia.”

  Julia examined every inch of his face, noting the fine lines around his eyes, a new addition to his handsome features, and the familiar dimple on his right cheek she used to tease him about. To the untrained eye he appeared calm, even welcoming, without a hint of anger or loathing clouding his handsome features. However, she’d made an art of studying his face. In the time they’d spent together she mastered its every expression and nuance. Hell, she could’ve earned a degree in it. She catalogued his tightly controlled smile that didn’t reach his eyes, the almost imperceptible tick in his jaw, and the squaring of his shoulders.

  Over the years Julia imagined their reunion a thousand different ways. She ran scenario after scenario in her head and each time his anger and hurt crashed over her like a tidal wave, smothering her and pulling her under. He wasn’t one to hide his feelings or play games. In her imagined reunions, he didn’t hold back. He lashed out, his words biting, his pain scoring her soul. She deserved no less. But the person standing in front of her had matured, morphing into someone her heart recognized and claimed, while her brain whispered a word of caution. He was tightly wound, his every word and movement controlled. Although he held and comforted her as she cried, sympathy and kindness weren’t the only emotions he was experiencing. They were the only ones he was choosing to unleash at this time. This was a new Ethan.

  “Hi Eth,” she whispered. “It’s … it’s good to see you again.”

  “Is it?” he said, as he folded his arms across his chest.

  Yup, he was hurt and he was angry. He was all the things she imagined he would be. He was holding it all in. Was it good to see him again? That one question was a tipping point for a hundred more. Julia was astute enough to recognize what he was asking. She read each question in his eyes.

  Where the hell have you been all these years?

  Why did you go?

  After everything we shared, everything we were to each other, how could you walk away?

  How could you tear us apart so callously?

  Why?

  Why?

  So many questions, so much pain. She owed him an explanation. She wanted to give him closure. It was the only thing she could offer him, but it c
ame at a high price, one she’d saved for, but still couldn’t afford. The simple answer was—God, yes! It was good to see him. She would give him that simple, honest answer now because it was the truth and because she needed to say it and he needed to hear it. He deserved a full explanation, and maybe one day she’d be brave enough to utter the words that would surely tear his world apart, but not here and not now.

  Licking her lips, she straightened her spine, cleared her throat, and said in a strong, clear voice that left no doubt to her sincerity, “Yes, Ethan. It is good to see you. Really, really good! It’s been a long time.”

  Silence. She waited in silence doing her best to stand still and not squirm under his intense gaze as a variety of emotions passed over his features. After a few minutes he seemed to reach a decision. He unfolded his arms and the storm clouds cleared from his eyes. With a hint of a smile he said, “Yes, it has. Too long I think. I guess you were surprised to see me.”

  Julia let out the breath she was holding and her shoulders sagged in relief. “Yes and no. Lexi told me she invited a friend to dinner who recently moved to Lakes Crossing and joined the staff at Lakes Community Hospital. Yesterday she mentioned the friend’s name was Ethan and for some odd reason my gut told me it was you. I thought my imagination was running away with me. Guess not.” Julia looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry about all the drama. Everyone must think I’ve lost my mind.”

  She glanced back at the house thinking she better go apologize for her behavior and check on Lilly. Then his words hit her. He said she was surprised to see him.

  “Wait, you weren’t surprised to see me? You knew I’d be here?”

  “Yes and no,” he teased. “I had no idea you and Aimee would be here. When Aimee arrived, we were both surprised to see each other and we behaved like lunatics hugging and kissing. Aimee told me you were on your way. She wanted to call you, to warn you, I guess. But I convinced her it would be okay. Maybe I should’ve let her call you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t come. I’m sorry you were upset, but I wanted to see you. It’s good to see you again. You’re even more beautiful than you were twenty-two years ago.”